If you couldn’t tell from the title of this post, I was a little less than pleased with my time spent with the latest, and hopefully last, installment of the “Indiana Jones” franchise. I knew going in that I should keep my expectations low, because let’s face it — George Lucas hasn’t had a great track record when it comes to bringing back beloved movie franchises from my childhood. Wow — I had no idea what to expect, but what I got wasn’t it.

First off, some positive notes. It was great to see Harrison Ford back in action wielding the legendary whip and donning the infamous fedora. He definitely not the action star he used to be, but I wasn’t expecting him to be either. Shia LeBeouf handled his character as well as he could have. Both actors did quite well, provided the schlock they were given. The musical score was a total throwback to the original series – great! Spielberg can create some amazingly beautiful shots. The ant sequence was entertaining as well.

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s get to the meat of the matter. I figure I’ll present my complaints in a bulleted format.

• The script was just pitiful. It was said the powers that be were waiting for the perfect script to come along — I’m wondering why they stopped waiting. Since when did Indiana Jones become a sci-fi character? As my friend Christian mentioned, the plot seemed to fit around action-sequences as opposed to the action fitting around the plot. Moving along…
• Did we need the gratuitous crotch-shot, and I use this word loosely, joke?
• I was not aware that George of the Jungle was a part of the Indiana Jones mythos.
• Gophers? Monkeys? Aliens? Really?
• I wasn’t aware that Cate Blanchett’s character was supposed to be psychic until well after the movie was over.
• Many of the action sequences left me bored. There were several times I found myself just staring at the screen wondering why I wasn’t more involved with the story. There was little to draw me into the film and make me really truly care about the adventure that was being spoon-fed to the audience.

This was another reason to dislike George Lucas, or at least what he has become. Without his vision, we wouldn’t have such fond childhood memories, but did he really have to come back and spit on these memories? The acting was decent, the visuals were appealing, the score was exciting, the story was terrible, the dialog was bland. Would I recommend seeing the movie? Yes, but in the comfort of your own home. That way, you won’t feel bad when you want to turn it off and go do something else.