[RUMOR] New Alabama Head Football Coach

By xerocube | November 30, 2006

According to a reliable source, Chuck Norris has accepted the position of head coach at the University of Alabama. He is scheduled to arrive in Tuscaloosa by fiery chariot at 3:00 pm tomorrow.

Although he has no prior head coaching experience, Norris is believed to have used his patented roundhouse kick to travel back in time and take 20 years of coaching lessons from the legendary Paul “Bear” Bryant. Norris also holds the coveted rank of “houndstooth belt” in kung fu.

Norris is not expected to be introduced at a press conference, as everyone knows damn well who he is. The first question on everyone’s mind is, “can he beat Auburn?” Norris’s response: “Any fingers that Tubby shows will be promptly roundhouse-kicked into oblivion. He might want to keep those ears tucked into his hat too.” He also said that he plans to address the offensive line issue by replacing the current “zone-blocking” scheme with a new “roundhouse blocking” scheme. He promised to explain this scheme further whenever he damn well pleases.

The Chuck Norris hiring has already proven to have an immediate effect on Alabama merchandising, as sales of houndstooth belts and headbands have risen 700% in the last 2 hours. More to come on this story and on the Tubberville suicide watch.

Stay tuned.

I am growing a beard to celebrate.
(source of material unknown)

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